April 16, 2012

Life..... Update and apologies my frends and followers.

First of all... I am so sorry for the total blog neglect. Sry, this is raw and unedited so I do  not lose my nerve to post.
That said.... friends and followers, I am still alive. There have been so many things, both good and really bad going on in my life that I had fallen into severe clinical depression during/after a full on emotional breakdown.
Me.... the strongest woman I have ever known in life having a mental breakdown..ME! I now have the diagnosis of PTSD and severe clinical depression. Yep, I said it out loud and publicly. But I am now well on the road to recovery.
Been a long and hard road, but I am almost back.....Thank you for asking...lol!!!!!
You all know (most of you) of the nightmare severely abusive situation I moved from about 4 1/2 yrs ago, well, I was well into my depression after that and well on my way to a full on breakdown.
My grand babies were truly the only reason I opened my eyes and took a breath every day. They were the only thing that kept me here on this earth. Without them, I am afraid this post may never have happened. So I thank God daily for my grand babies! Thank you Michael and Shaylee for Loving Gramma no matter how sad she was!! I love you both so very much and know that you are the light of my life!
Now with almost a year of counseling and several different medication changes, I can say I am almost back to OK, well, prob never will be OK, but as close as I can get to it, I am actually crocheting almost regularly 
Quick glance back to catch you up and make sure you are sitting down towards the end.....

04/2010 I fell and broke my left knee and tore the MCL, 12 weeks Physical therapy

04/2010 Mom had a horrific surgery with massive complications and due to those months of complications some tests were done that would NEVER have been done and in July, Mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer! (we all still say thank God for the complication, or they would never had diagnosed it!!!)Not good. She had to get strong enough to begin chemotherapy and did GREAT through her chemo, lost her hair, some weight, but did GREAT! Has been in remission until 2 months ago,and her ca125 is through the roof again and has started her 2nd round of chemo, sleep most days, very weak, but doing pretty darn good with it. Not loosing hair yet or weight, but tired, tired, tired all the time.

06/2010 Daughter was hit by a hit and run (never found) driver and left for dead, has had 9 surgeries on her leg and finally just got SSI, she is going up to OHSU in Portland OR, the 24th to have another surgery to fix her Achilles tendon, *YUKKO< ya don't wanna know!!! but will post pics after)  They thought until about a month ago that they were going to have to amputate above the knee, but this surgery and then the next 2 will hopefully save it. After the Achilles surgery heals they will take her back in and put a rod in leg from Hip to Foot. YUKKO again!!!! And will hopefull be able to walk after that, but there is no guarentees at all that any of these surgeries will work, so we still have that damn amputation dangling there!UGH!

8/2011  My grandmother passed after a stint in rehab after falling several times and could not be left alone, God rest her beautiful angelic soul!,  The kids and I stayed at her home to keep it safe since the neighborhood a-holes could not be trusted to leave it alone, so we were there for a couple months, was nice!
Well, shortly after that I was gifted with her home from my mom (it was her mother) and the kids and I were ELATED that we had a home... FOREVER!!!!!!! Not an apartment with obnoxious, loud, rude ass neighbors ever again.... EVER!!!!!! Never had to worry about anything again! We were always gonna have a home, close to mom (next door) so I could take care of her through her chemo and stuff, I was THRILLED.... absolutely thrilled, jumping up and down, planning, organizing, elated, jumping with joy, decorating ideas, kids room, carport, yard, lawn and garden, are ya jumping up and down with joy for me now!!! I sure was! So very happy, almost forgot how depressed I was! Really, I almost did.   

WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL..... Packing, arranging u-Haul, moving helpers, getting all ready and 3 days before I was to move into the home my mother had given to me, my Mother in her infinite wisdom called me on the phone... Not even in person mind you, and tore my heart from my chest and pushed me over that breakdown cliff through the phone and told me that my nephew and his pregnant druggie (don't even start it 'family', pictures on her facebook prove it "family") girlfriend were moving into the house! Yep, you read it right, go ahead, go back and take it all in again, I do ...daily, I live it!

That's it, that's all I got, not even a week to figure out what to do! My perfect (HA-HA) sister's perfect son who has a great job, great credit, all the opportunities in their perfect little world to buy almost anything they wanted, was moving into the home I was just given 2 months prior!

Still have never found out what she gave mom $$$ wise for the house, but Mom and her hubby went to Vegas for a week right after that, so its pretty obvious money changed hands, but I am stupid (NOT) and should not have been able to figure that one out!!

But anyways............. Real long a crappy story later, I fought housing and lost because the unit was already rented since I had give my 60 day notice, there was nothing I could do and I tried to stupidly fight housing with no attorney, no knowledge, no nothing and in the middle of a nervous breakdown, tried to fight and lost and was evicted... THANKS MOM!!!!

And that gift just keeps on giving and giving and giving...
We have applied and applied and applied and applied for apts and duplexes and manufacture homes at least 200 times and have been denied that many times due to the recent eviction... wow, the gift that keeps on giving, thanks again mom..... worse depression, full on breakdown now...... We got to move in with mother! YEE HAW!! Cranky, control freak, never wrong and will convince you that you are wrong, her way or the highway, cranky mother.... yay... did I say full on mental breakdown yet.... Well, if I didn't, I am now...... had a full on breakdown, yepper, sure did.... 50+ yrs old with custody of my 2 grand-kids living with my cranky ass mother! YEE HAW!

Can you sense ANY bitterness there at all??? I try not to let it show too often anymore, because it is only allowing them to continue to hurt me and I am not allowing that anymore!
So the kids and I have been 'surviving' in 1 bedroom in my hoarding mother and step fathers home... Everything I own is and has been in storage since December 2010....YAY! You all know what that's costing
me! UGH! 
Just imagine it.... we went from 3 bedrooms, 2 upstairs and 1 downstairs, 2 bathrooms, living room, storage/play shed, gated private yard, into one little bedroom with 3 feet walk way between my double bed and the kids twin bunk beds, our tv, shelf to hold a few things and 1 closet. Yee Haw!

Why gosh, Yes, thanks Mom for letting us have a roof over our heads after you took 2 away! Never even an apology, just a sickeningly sweet "oh Micki, it will be OK, we will find something" ... We who, you got a mouse in your pocket with another home, you and my perfect sister gonna buy me another home???

Now for the good:
7/2011: I finally got Michael on medications, they went really old school with him and I thank God daily that I finally made that choice. It was a very long and difficult one, but my big boy is literally night and day! I thought it would be a few weeks like it was with my medications to get started, so we were prepared for a few more weeks of total anxiety filled days, which was fine because I had already been doing to for a couple years anyways, but wowzer... we gave him his first dose and about a half hour or so later I stopped dead in my tracks and got mom's attention because he was SITTING DOWN, DOING NOTHING..... Michael was sitting down! It was amazing! He was sitting, still, not doing anything! WOW, night and day in 20 minutes! Thank You God and Dr Phellps!!! My honey could focus, and look at something for more than 2 seconds! If you have never been around a child with SEVERE ADHD, you have no idea what I am talking about. It is unreal, they do not stop, at all, ever! Now he stops a lot!!! Love his little face even more! And Miss Shaylee is just growing like a weed, hair almost touches her butt now! So long and still has the cutest curls up about 4 inches if her ends!

12/2011: Michael got his SSI! YAY, trying to save a little money to maybe buy a dump trailer somewhere. The kids had a WONDERFUL Christmas for sure. And I did nothing with my 'family'. Probably never will again. and it was a wonderful Christmas.
I have actually finished a few Crochet and knit items lately including 2 afghans for the kids Well, 1 and a 1/2) and 2 sweaters for Shaylee. Have not until the last couple months had any interest in crocheting or knitting, so very glad to be back up and running there.

3/2012: Mom's cancer back full force, chemo again. Sux
So there you have it now folks... that is why the dead silence here. I am going to try to start posting at least a couple times a week on crocheting, life, letting go, forgiving, not forgetting, just forgiving and will take any comments and help here.

You are great at that ladies and gents, so lets have it.... any and all suggestions, books, movies, media of any kind on forgiveness without forgetting.

And remember, all my posts are moderated, so no rudeness or no one will ever see it!

So to all my very good online friends, you now know why I have been so quiet and withdrawn over the last year plus. I am truly sorry for not letting more of you in on my grief, probably would have been easier if I could have been able to talk about it with more of you. And those of you who listened to me, I am forever grateful to you, Thanks for being there and so glad to be almost back on track!

Will post a few pics later on today or tomorrow as well! Thanks for still being here!

September 28, 2010

Free Business Cards....

I got turned on to this website and they truly are free. You can pick from 45 or so designs, you add the information you want and no more, just pay a small shipping fee. It is just over $5 for the cheap shipping and you get 250 matte business cards. You can tuck them in with every order and gift.  
How exciting is that! It would cost more than that for the paper and the ink to do it yourself! Then you have to cut them out or tear them if they are the perforated ones.
For a fee you can have things like a 2011 calendar on the back of the card, thanks for your business, we like referrals, things like that on the back. 
For 19.99 you can have access to hundreds of other designs and for 24.99 you can use your own pic and logo.
If you are feeling like really promoting your business they also offer matching pens, journals, address labels, magnets, big car magnets and more.
This is a screen shot of the card I am going to get payday. Just the basic freebie.
But check it out at Vistaprint
 I am not affiliated in any way with them, just turning you on to a site I was turned onto and is used by many crafters and business friends.


I have got to tell you... I have some wonderful friends. But this post is specifically about 2 of them. E and P... You know who you are.
I am truly blessed to have these two women in my life. P about a year ago got me a bunch of yarn... a bunch and a wonderful royal ball winder, gifts for my grand babies and so much more. E has also given me yarn and gifts for me and my babies.
Well.... long story short, I loaned my precious ball winder to Cheryl Slocum Dorchak along with a bunch of cotton yarn in trade for her to make me a couple sets of kitchen items and Cheryl decided she was going to disappear with all the yarn and my ball winder and has never answered another email or phone call from me, so please use extreme caution in ANY dealings with her. 
But I digress..... E sent me a big ole puffy of cotton this last week and today in the mail came a new royal ball winder. I am back in ball winding heaven and can take this nightmare rug out now!!! Thank you so much E!!!
I am so grateful for these 2 women, I cannot even put into words what the 2 of them mean to me and probably never will know how to put it into words. So for now this very public acknowledgment of what they mean to me! 

So... P and E.... I love you both and am so lucky to have you in my life! I am forever grateful to you both!

Ambers Leg part 2

Well, she had her surgery and they took the external fixator off (The metal halo thing) She is back home now. These are pics from The 20th on Miss Shaylee's birthday. I know, I know, blog neglect. But life has been a real muther lately and time isn't my friend! LOL 
But here are pics of the leg healing. Will try to get over there in the next week or so to get pics without the halo!

Can you say OUCH!!!
She is home from the hospital now and thrilled to be in her bed tonight.

Curling Ribbon Coasters

I love these things and they seem to have disappeared from my blog, or I just plain thought I posted and didn't, so I am re-posting them. (you know how the mind is! LOL) I am leaning towards the fact that I just thought I posted..... 
Anyways, I ran across this about a year ago and HAD to make some.....
You can tell by the penny that I made them quite large to fit the bottom of my huge coffee cups.
Takes a little patience to make them, they wont be ready today type of patience, so be prepared... not an instant gratification project for sure.
Here is the link to the blog where I found them. Making coasters from curling ribbon. I hope you try some out, be sure to check out all the other things that JO and Chica offer. They show you how to make your own tablets and even offer a small amount of the padding compound for sale so you do not have to buy a huge amount that you will never use all of! They have recipes, how to make photo cubes, lamp shades and more. Be sure to check them out and tell them I sent you!

Great eBay purchase.....

I have to share this seller! We have been desperately trying to find some teal cotton yarn that won't break the bank to get and I ran across some Peaches and Creme on eBay that only costs 6.95 to mail 1 cone, not over $10!
I was thrilled and placed the order and I had told her that we needed it to make ovarian cancer things for Mom and she emailed me back to tell me she had a pound cone of teal that she would get right in the mail. Well.... 3 days later the package was on my doorstep with a note apologizing that what she thought was teal was actually peacock and she sent me 8 balls of teal cotton AND stated in the note she ordered the teal pounder and would mail it to me as soon as she got it!
She was wonderful and went above and beyond outstanding customer service....  Truly above and beyond! So many of my cotton needs will go through her! I got her permission to post about this and her eBay id is carol14270, her store is called Do it Yarns and here is a link to her store on eBay.. Do it Yarns. 

I hope you will check out her store and give her some of your business. A lot cheaper shipping for just one cone!

September 13, 2010

Moms Ovarian Cancer Awarness Ribbon Dishcloths....

Here are the cloths I have been desperately looking for Teal Cotton Yarn to make for Mom.... I finally found a small amount and got them done! Woo hoo!!!! So very pleased with them! There is a link to purchase a set for yourself or a loved one as well as a link to the Breast Cancer Cloths too. 10% of ALL sales of these or any other Cancer Awareness Item goes to Breast and Ovarian Cancer research. I Hope this inspires you to do the same! And please remember to get yourself checked regularly!

Breast Cancer Cloths

I am in an Etsy Treasury!!

My Sofa Tissue Box Cover made it into a treasury on Etsy... how exciting is that!?!?!?!? I am honored and thrilled to be in it! That she thought my works was good enough out of all of those on Etsy to be listed in her treasury is humbling! YAY! I am so excited.
Thank you so much for including me!

September 12, 2010

Worsted Weight Ovarian / Breast Cancer Awareness Ribbon Pattern

In all my searching for things to make for my Mom, who is undergoing Chemotherapy for Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer, the one thing I cannot find is just a plain worsted weight cancer ribbon for basic plain old lapel pins, appliques, key-chains, etc. 
So.... I set out to figure it out myself and after playing with double crochet, too loose and holey, half double crochet was too bulky and single crochet with 1 row was too narrow and 2 rows too wide, G hook was too big and floppy, so I went down to an E and love the results. I ended up doing it kinda like a foundation chain!!! Heck, I don't even know if I do it right to call it a foundation chain! 

Please feel free to share this pattern, sell what you make from it, whatever you like, but do not say the pattern is yours. Please link it back to me. Thanks and enjoy. 
 (I am including yellow ones to show support for our troops! So these do not have to just be Cancer Awareness Ribbons!) 

Here is the pattern for The Worsted Weight Cancer Awareness Ribbon.... With pics dedicated to my mom, LaDonna ... I love you. 

Worsted Weight Cancer Awareness Ribbon
(I used Cotton Yarn and a G hook for these pictures.)

Very small amount of any worsted weight yarn you have in your stash.
Size F crochet hook
Hot Glue gun or other way to join the ribbon. I use hot glue like most people use duct tape.

Hint: Make sure to keep your tension tight as it makes a neater and tighter ribbon with less flopping on you.
Ch 2, insert the hook back into the first chain, yarn over and pull through, but instead of finishing the stitch, do a chain one and insert the hook into that chain just made,
yarn over and pull through, yarn over chain one, 
yarn over again, pull through both loops, that is the first single crochet,
now insert the hook into the chain previously made, yarn over and pull through, chain one,yarn over pull both through both loops, 2nd one done,
do this until you have 20 sc. tie off and weave in all ends.
Now just bend your ribbon into shape and attach it to whatever you like, I use a drop of hot glue. Be careful not to use too much, it will burn you! 
Please email me if you have any questions. 
Here I just incorporated the key chain into the 9th, 10th and 11th sc. Enjoy and be sure to make some for your local cancer center. It will brighten someones day. If your sell them, consider donating a portion of your sales to Ovarian or Breast Cancer research.

Happy International Crochet day everyone!

I hope you all got to support the cause today and got some quality hook time in. I know I did! I created a pattern for Cancer awareness and will be posting the pattern here tonight.
I am teaching my neighbor to crochet Granny Squares tonight after I get the kids all fed and bathed and in bed. YAY! I enjoy teaching ... well... sometimes! LOL! I know you all know exactly what I mean!
But just wanted to pop on and say Happy International Crochet Day and hope you got to support the cause and got to Crochet in public or got to teach someone to crochet... the day isn't over... it's not too late to do it still!
Have a great day!